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Sunday, February 25, 2007
FARMStrong Family Update

The bad news: Dumas, Arkansas, is my hometown.
The good news: The FARMStrong family was not injured by the recent killer tornados. And to the best of my knowledge, there are no reported deaths. We are keeping close tabs.

This past weekend, the FARMStrong nuclear fam made an excursion over to Cincinnati, Ohio, for some family fun. The occasion was the Chris Tomlin How Great is our God tour. We decided to make it an over night. And in the tradition of "vacation reporting," I will give you a couple of blow-by-blows.

So Saturday we spent the day in the unbelievable Cincinnati Children's Museum. Following we headed for the Tomlin concert. After some fun on the bus (photo) and a few songs, we had to make our way back to the hotel. You're thinking-- we needed to get the kids to bed. . . . right? WRONG. To my utter horror, we still needed to take everyone swimming at 9pm last night. It's a bummer when you are stretching a swimsuit over your fat, white, whale-like body in mid-February at 9pm at night with four kids.

Surely we would have the pool to our selves. . . . . . . right? WRONG. There must have been 80 other kids and 9 insane parents who had the same demonic idea. It was pure bedlam-- mayhem--madness! My first dilemma: should I start out in the 5'x5' hottub with the 27 other kids and then make my way into the so-called heated pool-- kind of a good news-bad news scenario. . . . . . . . . or. . . . . . . . . should I start out in the frigid pool and let the hot tub be a more soothing place-- the bad news--good news option. For some reason I decided to get the punishment over with early. After considerable coaxing from my 2 year old, I jumped into the crazed swimming pool. David and I were having some fun. With my goggles now hermetically sealed to my eyes, I risked some under water play. Just as I was under for the first time, I noticed what seemed like hundreds of legs moving in all directions in an all out panic. I surfaced to hear David's shrieking voice, "Puke in the pool!!!!!" I turned around to find the floating chunks surfing a wave within about 2 feet of me. And before I could make my next move, the poor little girl who was responsible for the floating chunks jumped in almost on top of me and began gathering up the floating vomit in her cupped hands and throwing it out of the pool!!! I'm sure I could have won an Olympic medal in the time it took to get out of that muck. Talk about emptying out a pool. It was like a scene right out of "Caddy-Shack."

After screaming at my kids and any others around to not go within 100 yards of the pool, we for some unknown reason decided to try and wedge ourselves into the now way overpopulated hot tub. Did I mention how large some of these kids were in there? Don't ask. Little by little everyone decided to leave the premesis. It was going to turn out ok it seemed. we would have the whole thing to ourselves after all. The pool cleaners came and vacuumed out the pool and assured us that we wouldn't die and that it would be fine to get back in there in another 30 minutes. As he was leaving, I asked him to do a chlorine check on the hot tub-- just for my own personal sanity. Since it was all the pool we would be experiencing i thought it prudent. David was trolling the bottom like a shark. Samuel had inadvertantly swallowed multiple drinks of the hot tub solution. After checking it he told me that the chlorine level was almost twice as strong as needed. Then he said this, "This hottub is on an automatic chlorine injector. When it senses a lot of kids in the pool and the presence of a lot of urine, it kicks in double the amount of cholorine." AAARRrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!! Uuuuuugggggghhhhhh!!! CCCccccrrrrrrrraaaaaaaapppppppp!!!

And so ended our swimming excursion. I could go on to tell you about the room service fiasco and the sleepless night, but I must stop for now. In all seriousness, it was a complete blast and the best part is I lived to tell the story so far.

more to come. i'm hoping to get to some more grammy reflections this week. time to go watch the oscars for now.
posted by John David Walt | at 2/25/2007 08:57:00 PM



Blogger DGH said...

Noe that is stinking funny, and I read the whole thing out loud to Tiffany and she loved it too! next time give me a call when yall are in town and I would love to give out hugs to everyone! yall take care and God bless!

11:21 PM EST  
Blogger Lindsay said...

your family is beyond adorable, and this blog made me laugh out loud at my computer moniter...eep.

(also I got to go to mass with Fr. Cantalamessa today and it made me want to speak with an Italian accent and hug people...and love Jesus more!)

1:26 AM EST  
Blogger Morgan said...

I have to second my sister and say I too laughed aloud, so it was good I read this before starting the day of teaching and not, say, during homeroom when my students would think I was crazy.

Great picture, and I'm glad you guys had a fun time. I'm also glad you survived the massive amounts of bodily fluid exposure.

8:42 AM EST  
Blogger eli said...

for a long time now there has been this sense in my being that i really liked you, jd. now, i'm trully beginning to see the foundation of it. both of us have a propensity for being involved in and willing to tell puke, poop and pee stories. nothing like bodily functions to make one laugh. haggai 1 and 2, eh? i've read it and will read it again and then pray.

9:17 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post was the best things that has happened to me in weeks!!!

Blessings & Love

Mark Benjamin

10:10 AM EST  
Anonymous JP said...

That was freaking hilarious! Kinda reminds of the Farmstronger vacation to the beach last year where The Tiff singlehandedly evacuated a poop, out of one of your progeny's swimsuit, on the beach, in one move.
But this one tops that, without question. I was, and still am, laughing.
While I didn't have the puke and pee additives, we recently spent the night at a hotel with an "indoor heated pool"...yeah right! Ending with the hot tub is the best way.

11:44 AM EST  
Blogger Julie said...

So glad to hear that everyone in Dumas is doing alright. It was the first thing that I thought of when I heard about it all on the news. I am definitely praying for that little community...

This post was hilarious, JD...I miss those kiddos and you and Tiffani, too!

3:45 PM EST  
Blogger Jackson said...

Thanks for the great laugh JD! Especially liked imagining David yelling: "Puke in the pool!" I can just picture Bill Murray holding up the Baby Ruth candy bar and taking a bite out of it.

8:45 PM EST  
Blogger Matt Purmort said...

I especially liked the part about you making sure the hot tub was properly sanatized. Also it goes to show puke will always make for a long line of blog responses!

10:44 PM EST  
Blogger Eric said...

JD thanks for the early morning laughter....you made my day....sorry that I'm laughing at your expense, but the way you wove that story was just, well, precious.


9:14 AM EST  
Blogger Fitz said...

Ah, there's nothing like a urine-filled hottub to relax you...

12:01 PM EST  

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