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Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water. . . .
OK-- I don't mean to neglect you Idol-aters out there. We did watch tonight-- entire family-- VACATION treat. Elliott-- a.k.a. Mr. Tumnus, "just ok" tonight. Chris-- David calls him the "rock star" totally went to the top with the Styx Renegade act. Paris-- probably on the way out. Katherine-- will be a finalist. Taylor-- the wedding singer still hanging on--- love that guy-- play that funky music was out of the park.



Now back to VACATION. My wife is amazing-- some readers in Malaysia have been requesting to see some photos of her. Strange I never put her up here. So if we can get this bootlegged wifi signal to upload the pics we're in business. We may have to wait for someone in the condo complex to go to bed in order to get some more signal. We'll see. Anyhow, photo #1 was early in the day. We're all still fresh and having fun. But I should warn you-- the inevitable did happen.

It was late in the day-- sun was setting. We would have been well served to have packed it up and headed in--- but we didn't. I noted Lily's swimming suit was hanging really low to the ground. . . . . . I mean really low. So Tiff, the most amazing woman on the beach, with the baby in one hand, takes her free hand and single-handedly removes Lily's diaper--- sight unseen-- WITHOUT EVEN REMOVING HER SWIMMING SUIT FIRST!! It was a feat of post-modern motherhood. Stunning. I have been reviewing the slow motion instant replay on the video-cam all evening. WARNING-- diaper is off now-- Lily is going commando. I noted that after the diaper was gone, the swimming suit still sagged pretty badly. Empty-- yet sagging. Lets just call it another premonition. So the Vesper hour goes on. We're having a nice time. Tiffani has just greeted her ninth new family of the day and is getting life stories. (too bad she's not into some mult-level marketing scheme. we'd own the condo complex for sure). Anyhow-- we hear a shriek from. . . guess who. . . . . Lily. She is swatting at her now heavily sagging swimming suit. That empty space. . . . . . . it's now full. . . . . . . VERY FULL. She's swatting at it. David and Mary Kathryn are now mortified and beginning to shriek, running and jumping wildly. TIFF TO THE RESCUE. Again, baby in hand, with the other hand, she does a kind of twisting motion to the swimsuit, evacuating the excrement from the swimming suit without so much as soiling a finger. But now we have a problem. The beach is CONTAMINATED. Lily is squatting and pointing to the article just expelled from her swimming suit. David and Mary Kathryn are hysterical at this point. Tiffani picks up a beach scoop and plucks the poop from the sand and heads for the OCEAN!!?? I immediately arrested her with a barrage of shame-filled comments about polluting the ocean with poop that was sure to wash right back up on someone else's poor unsuspecting child. So she disposed of the specimen in the trash can.

That's Tiff-- who looks like a TOTAL MOVIE STAR in one pic and is scooping poop in the next.

posted by John David Walt | at 5/02/2006 10:33:00 PM

 

4 Comments:

Anonymous Ginny Muse said...

I am laughing out loud as I picture your beautiful family and your beach escapades! What a hoot! You surely do have one incredidible wife! How blessed are you?! We pray that you are enjoying your much deserved vacation! Seeing your photos makes me long for our beach days that will be coming up soon. Keep having fun and enjoying your wonderful family as the waves of God's love continue to pour over you again and again - God bless you!
Ginny Muse

1:05 AM EDT  
Anonymous JP said...

Finally! A pic of your wonderful wife...yes, Florida is getting Tiffed! Tiffinator on the poop action....outstanding move!
I still think you have a side career in comedy writing.....

You got to sleep in until 7.38? What a great day! We were lucky if we made to 7!!

2:19 PM EDT  
Anonymous michele francesca said...

Okay I confess, I did wonder that pictures of Tiffani had not been posted up along with the rest of the clan. But see how good she looks on camera? It was a picture right out of a magazine - "celebrity vacationing with her 3-year-old", compliments of the local paparazzi. ;-)

Thanks for the very er... graphic description of your interludes at the beach - I could hardly keep myself from laughing out loud and stirring the rest of my family up! Why, I could almost hear a superhero theme song going on in my head as you carried on...

And Taylor was great - am a little biased as I love that "play that funky music" song. ;-)

7:27 PM EDT  
Blogger Mark said...

Too funny!!! Tiff really has an impressive array of poop-maneuvers. It's amazing that she not only pulls off the J-Lo casual-workout-celeb-in-hiding-look at home, but also pulls it out for the beach. HOW DOES SHE DO IT?

Last night we spent the night at the hospital (YES ERIN AND BABY ARE OK). She was having contractions, got dehydrated, felt crappy and we ended up in St. J's for the night. So after a couple of hours in a freezing cold O.R. recovery room (because they were so full they stuck us in there), I decided I needed to try to get some sleep. This was after many encounters with our nurse who we had already nick named "Bossy Betsy". It's 2am, i'm freezing, and I decide to take advantage of the inviting blankets on the stretcher next to Erin. After getting comfortable, in comes Betsy and she just looks at me with scorn and says "uh-oh". I apologized quickly and got off the stretcher, while she spent the next three minutes shaming me about how she would have to call house-keeping to change all the bedding because I had soiled the sheets. So I crawled back into my cold hard chair humiliated and ashamed. An hour had passed (3am) and she walks back in with a pillow and says that the doctor said we needed to spend the night. She then threw the pillow on the stretcher and said to me - "I guess it will be ok if you sleep there." So I crawled in extended the side rails and went to sleep. I am beginning to think that there are fewer more humbling places in America than hospitals.

11:12 PM EDT  

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